On The N-Word (Why Black People Can Say "Nigga" and You Can't)

We avoid using offensive terms in an attempt to be decent human beings. Almost everyone agrees on this, until it comes to the "n-word".

Whenever a black person asks a white person not to say "nigga", the response is never just "okay." It's never "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was being offensive." The response is usually one of these three:
"Get over it, everyone uses it."
"I have black friends so I can say it if I want."
Or, the response I'm discussing now: "But if black people use it, they can't be mad when white people use it."

Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrong wrong. WRONG.

Let's say you have a friend. She's overweight and has an unhealthy diet. She constantly refers to herself as "fat" or a "big girl". Would you ever call her those things? Would you call her "fat" or "big" because that's what she calls herself? No, because it's offensive.

You have another friend. He's gay. He uses terms like "f****t" and "q***r" (don't feel comfortable typing them) when describing himself and other gay people. Would you use those words because he uses those words? No, because they're offensive.

If a group of people who have been oppressed and offended by a derogatory term decide to use it, that's completely fine. They're reclaiming those words for themselves. Often slurs are used by minority groups as a symbol of solidarity, to take some of the sting out of a word, and reverse the effects of something that was created to be hurtful. Minority groups should be able to reappropriate the terms that held them down. Majority groups do not have the right to join in on that. And they're use of the term may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to them. And that's what matters.
As Michael Eagle said in a Washington Post article: "I’m a person who believes in in-group versus out-group privileges and respect. So like if my experience is the ‘nigger’ experience, then I feel like I have free license to do what I want with [the word]. Like, people that don’t have to have their head on a swivel in certain parts of Alabama, I don’t feel like you should be using that word like it’s just cool. Because it’s not just a cool thing."

Now, with all of that being said, I personally don't like the "n-word". I think it is only a reminder of an evil time in American history, and although the use of it ironically reclaims the word, it seems to only encourage white people to continue to use it disrespectfully. I think the word should be totally eradicated. I hope it dies a painful death. But if I do decide to use the word, a white person has no business telling me not to. I agree with Jeff Calimbas, who was featured in the same Washington Post article, when he said "There’s no way that any other race has a right to tell a black person you can’t say – that word. We don’t have any bloody attachments, or history with that word. It’s kind of like telling a woman what she can or can’t do with her body. … So if the word is to be removed from everyday speech. It has to come from the black community, and only the black community."

Until the n-word dies, avoid saying something that offends people for the sake of being decent. Don't argue. I've said in a previous post: "Instead of being defensive, listen to what they're saying and agree to alter your vocabulary in order to make everyone feel comfortable and accepted." So if a woman calls herself a "bitch" and her friends "bitches", but asks a male not to use the word, he should respect that. Regardless of whether or not he agrees with it.

I really don't understand why I even have to blog about this. Why is this concept so hard for people to grasp? You'd think it was rocket science.

The Internet and Journalism

I have always wanted to be a writer. Always. When I was little I'd imagine myself living in New York City and working for some big newspaper or magazine. I thought about a life with deadlines and seeing my name in print beside a weekly column and in the issues that would circulate daily. Now I'm older and am realizing that the life of a journalist is not what it used to be. Journalism in its entirety is not what it used to be. Chances are I won't be able to see my name in print as often as I'd like or clip out and save my articles in my own, personal archive. And this is all because of technology - more specifically, the Internet.

Since the internet was created, the ability to instantly access information has been granted to millions. News is available with the literal click of a button, and can be constantly updated and edited to be more timely and precise. And this is wonderful. It has revolutionized journalism and provides people with the news they need exactly when they need it. No one has to wait for tomorrow's paper, with news that will seem old by the time it's reached the masses.

No one has to look specifically towards journalists for information and updates. Social media is the new age platform for instantaneous reports, and anyone with an account can release information that can potentially reach millions of people. People can upload information, photos, and videos, and often quicker than reporters can. With constant information coming from hundreds of sources, no one has to solely rely on journalists anymore. Journalists no longer control how informed or knowledgeable the general population is. With the internet available, ignorance is a choice. I think Aleks Krotoski from The Guardian explained it extremely well when stating, "If knowledge is power, the web is the greatest tool in the history of the world."

People can connect like never before and ideas can be shared across the globe. Entire revolutions have been started and carried out online. There are countless events that never could have taken place without the use of the internet to communicate plans and organize ideas.

I am very excited about how the internet has changed journalism and happy that I will be apart of the digital age of releasing news and information. I think it's exciting to have the world at my fingertips, and consider myself lucky to be alive in the age of the internet.

However, although the internet has changed journalism in a way that is quicker and connects more people, it has taken a serious toll on the quality and integrity of journalistic writing.

Less and less journalists take the time they need to perfect a story as they are in a great, big rush to upload their articles and update their blogs before everyone else. I can't tell you how many typos I've found in online articles because there's just no time for proofreading if a writer is to remain timely and relevant in the age of the internet. There's no time to really think about a story; to evaluate it from every angle; to make sure what you're publishing is quality work. Journalists are rushed by their editors - who hardly edit - and their audience, who want more and more as quickly as they can press the refresh button.

With the internet came the ability to cheat and more easily abandon the ethics and rules real journalists believe in. Plagiarism is so much easier to do, as one only has to press "Ctrl + V" to claim the words and work of another as their own. It is simple to edit images online to falsely portray a scene. It is easy to tell a blatant lie without having others fact-check. It is easy to hide behind a screen and do all of these things. And it is not just journalists who do this, but random people all across the world with Internet access and blogs or Twitter accounts to use.

Reporters no longer have to keep their ears to the ground and go out searching for stories and scouring for witnesses and quotes. There's hardly anymore "pounding the pavement". Journalists just simply log into Twitter and see what's trending; see what everyone's talking about on Facebook. Reporters can wait for the facts to be tweeted and can pull photos from online. They simply obtain their information how everyone else does: online. The stories come to them, and practically write themselves and the need for a journalist's analysis has dwindled. Some may consider this to be a benefit of the web, but I think that a basic and important (and fun) part of journalism has been loss to the internet.

Although it's great that everyone can do some "reporting" of their own and join the conversation online, a lot of the facts are lost when civilians are reporting. Those who are not trained to write as journalists often give information that is biased or misleading because they do not look at the story objectively. It's information - but is it trustworthy? Like Yves Eudes stated in the same Guardian article as cited previously, "Anyone can make bread, but it's lousy bread."

There are obvious benefits of the internet that have changed and will continue to change journalism for the better. However, the negative aspects of the internet have altered the practice of journalism in such a way that I often question whether or not it is the profession I want to go into. Hopefully I will end up writing, and I learn how to use and share my work on the internet without ever having to sacrifice the quality or integrity of my writing.

                   

  

           

 

           

I'm Officially a Published Poet!

My first poem ever published was in issue #10 of Mock Turtle. Being published has always been a goal of mine and this really meant a lot to me. Just thought I'd share.

xx

On White Privilege

White privilege is extremely hard to explain to white people. I try, but I am rarely ever successful. Having institutionalized privilege usually means that you hardly even notice said privilege. I know there are some people who are completely confused by and annoyed with the idea of white privilege. And that's totally understandable. Every single human being struggles, and it can't feel good to hear someone tell you about how easy you've got it when you're struggling.

And I do acknowledge that white people struggle. I'm not at all suggesting that their lives are perfect or doubting the severity of their issues. I know that white people struggle just as people of color struggle. The idea of white privilege is not suggesting that white people live life free of adversity or unfairness. White privilege simply points out the fact that there are certain troubles that white people will probably never wrestle with because of their skin color.

A white person gets a good job, or into a good school, and no one will confuse their hard work as Affirmative Action.

A white boy in a hoodie running is seen as trying to get out of the rain, while a black boy in a hoodie is seen as suspicious.

A group of white friends can usually walk down the street without people locking their car doors or nervously looking away.

A white person will never be told to "get over" 9/11, Pearl Harbor, or the Holocaust like black people are told to get over slavery.

A white mother never has to have a conversation with her son at age 10 about how he should behave around older white men and communicate with police.

A white person is labeled as "quirky and eccentric" for doing the same things that get black people labeled as "ghetto".

A white person can almost know for certain that if they are pulled over or followed around a store for no reason, it is not because of their race but because of the mistake/boredom/etc. of the officer.

A white person may never wonder too hard about their culture(s) because white history is taught in schools and published in books. (All of the text books I've read have plenty much skimmed over black people. Of course slavery and civil rights are mentioned, but their is hardly any cultural information included. (African American studies is usually an elective, if even an offered course.))

A white person is much more capable of learning about their ancestry, where the files and records of an African American's family lineage rarely goes back past Antebellum, as slave records were not kept or maintained very often. Ancestry.com wouldn't do much for me.

A white person can see people meeting European beauty standards on television and in the media regularly, where I always search for the people of color in a cast or in a magazine.

A white person never has to see their peers in blackface or hear them say "nigga/nigger", and be told to "calm down" or "take a joke".

A white person never gets surprised looks when they prove to be articulate or intelligent.

A white person never has to hear, "Wait, your dad still lives with you?".

A white person never has to sit through a lecture on Martin Luther King or Barack Obama and have the entire class stare at them.

A white person is never assumed to be violent a terrorist (even though some of the most violent crimes in history have been committed by white people *sips tea*).

I could go on and on and on.

I am not asking for or expecting an apology from white people. They shouldn't have to apologize for the privileges history and society has granted them. I don't think they should feel bad for these privileges. I don't think they should feel guilty for taking advantage of them. I don't think they should feel ashamed for the actions of other white people in the past and in the present - they have nothing to do with those people. All I would like is for them to acknowledge their privilege. And to take advantage of any opportunities they have to make a difference.

I may be writing about race relations/racism for a while, as it is one of the most influential aspects of society, and due to all of the race-related stories in the news.

R.I.P. Eric Garner. R.I.P. Tamir Rice. R.I.P. Michael Brown. R.I.P. John Crawford. R.I.P. Trayvon Martin. R.I.P. Oscar Grant. R.I.P. ...

Open Letter: Let's Call Racism What It Is

Dear Reader,

If you do not believe racism exists...

I have a dilemma. I'm thinking that you may be able to help me.

You have recently stated that racism is no longer a problem for African Americans. You so kindly reminded us that we've won the battle for civil rights. This is great news! I mean really, it's a relief.

The problem is, Reader, my little cousin (14) was on the phone weeping to me the other night.

My cousin has experienced a lot at a young age. Too much, honestly.

Once he was riding home with a group of friends, all of them white, and they were pulled over for no apparent reason. He was sitting in the passenger seat, and asked to step out to be searched while the rest of the boys he was with could wait inside the car and were asked no questions. Eventually, when the cop was finally done harassing him, he was able to return to the car and ride home in the awkward silence.

My cousin has been told by his crush that her dad would not let her date black guys.

My cousin has been accused of shoplifting because he had his hands in his pocket while walking around a convenience store.

My cousin has been told that he is ugly because his skin is too dark.

My cousin, who is brilliant, and the only black person in his science class, constantly has to look at the shocked expression of his chemistry teacher whenever he is as successful as or more successful than his white peers.

Even though my cousin has had these experiences, and many more, this is not why he was crying to me.

My cousin, who never cries, was crying for Eric Garner's family. He felt so bad for his mother and his wife and his children. He was so deeply saddened by the fact that a man could be killed by an illegal chokehold caught on tape without justice. He said that he couldn't even imagine how devasting it must be to lose a loved one to murder, and then to hear that that murder was okay.

He claims that this is why he cried, but I know better. Yes, of course he felt sorry for Eric Garner's family. But he was crying for his own. He was crying for his mother and his family. He was crying for me. He cried because he knew that the name "Eric Garner" could easily be switched out for his own. As could Tamir Rice's. As could Michael Brown's. As could John Crawford's. As could Trayvon Martin's. As could Oscar Grant's. And a slew of other names belonging to black men who have died without justice. He cried because he knew that these situations were not at all personal. These men did not die because they were bad people; these weren't thugs, or threats to society. These men died because their black skin causes society to view them as dangerous; as deadly; as violent. Racial profiling and prejudice had ended their lives, before they even had a chance to defend it. My cousin cried, Reader, because he knew that he wouldn't have had a chance either. And that his killer would probably walk free too. And that his family would suffer the same way Eric Garner's had. He wept for his family. For us, and for himself.

And near the end of the call, he kept asking me "why". "Why does this happen?" "Why can this happen?" "Why won't it stop?". I wasn't able to answer his question, and he went to bed believing that he was living in a racist society, and that he would have to learn how to survive in a country where the legal system does not value or defend his life.

But, there is hope! According to you, Reader, he should not feel that way because of all of the civil rights we've won.

And that is why I must ask a favor of you: tell my cousin why this happens. The real reason why, since it's not racism. He needs to know.

Thank you.

Sincerely

Assertive Does Not Mean Bitchy! (On Shaming Girls for Taking Control)

I'm channeling my inner feminist. Sorry, not sorry.

I am so tired of being called bossy. And bitchy. And stuck up.

It would be different if I was actually bossy, bitchy, and/or stuck up. I would not take offense to these claims if they were accurate. I'll wear any shoe that fits.

But the thing is: I'm not actually bossy. Or bitchy. Or stuck up. I'm stubborn, for sure; strong-willed. And yes, I'm sometimes a bit candid. I'm passionate. I'm assertive. When I have thoughts and opinions and ideas, I share them. I stick with my gut; trust my intuition. And because I am this way, I'm often labeled unfairly.

These labels are assigned to me simply because I'm a girl. That is literally the only reason. Throughout history, women have not been the leaders, but the conformists; silent and obedient and polite. For some reason, it seems as if young women are expected to still fit into that mold. And when she doesn't; when she dares to speak up or innovate or take control, she's bossy. She's a bitch. She's stuck up.

Why aren't women allowed to be assertive?

Anna Wintour is always called a bitch, and I absolutely hate hearing people call her that. An entire book/movie (that I admittedly love) was supposedly based off of her, called The Devil Wears Prada. The devil! Lucifer! Satan! Anna Wintour was compared to Satan! And for what? For being brutally honest? For not accepting mediocracy? For protecting Vogue's position as the most influential fashion magazine in the world? Here's the truth: there's no one on Earth who can do what she does the way she does it. No one. And she knows that. And she's proud of that. And if she's seemingly serious and harsh I can only imagine that it's in order to ensure the continuation of the success of American Vogue. She works hard. She means business. That does not make her a bitch. If a man had her job, he'd be called revolutionary and innovative and an inspiring leader. Let's treat Anna Wintour (and every other successful and assertive woman) with the same respect.

Why is it that any woman reaching for leadership roles is portrayed as power-hungry and men-hating?

Time Magazine's cover story one week was a feature on Hillary Clinton's success. The cover? A photo of a heel about to step on a man. The portrayal of Hillary was ridiculously inaccurate, considering the fact that man-crushing has never been on her agenda. Why is it that society thinks that women measure success by the shortcomings of men? Men: we are not out to get you (not all of us, at least). Out to get some of your jobs, maybe, but not you. There's nothing wrong with women wanting positions that are usually filled by men. If anything, it's beneficial to the job market, creating some healthy competition.

And another point: WOMEN ARE NOT OBLIGATED TO BE WARM AND CUDDLY!

Contrary to popular belief, not all girls are made of the perfect blend of sugar and spice and everything nice. Actually, a lot of girls are mostly spice. And that's ok. They cannot control their personalities. If they aren't necessarily the friendliest person in the world, that does not make them a bitch. Just because she's not talkative or touchy-feely doesn't mean she's stuck up, just introverted. 

Stop criticizing girls for not fitting into the mold society has made for us.

So yeah. I think I'm done ranting now.

White Girls Saying "Nigga"

If you are white, do not say nigga. I'm addressing white girls in particular, since I've noticed them saying it far more often than white boys.

I'm going to repeat myself, since this concept is apparently quite difficult for most white girls to grasp: if you are white, do not say nigga. If you are white, do not say nigga. If you are white, do not say nigga.

Under no circumstances should the word "nigga/nigger" come out of your mouth.

I do not care if your best friend is black.

I do not care if you're dating a black person.

I do not care if you grew up in a black community.

I do not care if you were adopted by black guardians.

I do not care about any reason you give me that could possibly justify your use of the word. It's never okay. Do not say it.

Yes, black people use the word "nigga" frequently and casually. It may seem "unfair" to you to see them use it so freely. (That's what the white girls at my school tend to whine about. They think it's "unfair" that we can say it whenever we want. *rolls eyes*) Whenever it seems "unfair" to you, shut the fuck up and remember hundreds of years of slavery and institutionalized racism. That's unfair.

It's really sickening to see white girls throw around "nigga" so easily. I mean, they're really comfortable with the word and honestly feel like they have a right to use it. And have a prepared mental list of reasons why they should be able to use it. That's crazy to me.

It seems like they're constantly looking for opportunities to say nigga; looking for reasons; looking for excuses. As I've said countless times before, and will probably say countless more times, if you are not black it is not okay to say nigga. Period. End of story. It will never be okay.

The day I allow white people say nigga is the day they decide to own up to the racism and hatred behind the word. It will be the day that they understand that there is dominance behind the word, and that using it belittles every black person that they know. It will be a day that they recognize white privilege, and their ability to embrace aspects about a culture that seem cool, like the word "nigga", without taking on the shitty aspects of that culture, like racial profiling and discrimination. When that day comes, then they can say nigga whenever they want. But until then, I will continue to check every single white girl (and boy, of course) that lets the word slip out of their mouth.

Separating the Art from the Artist

Separating art from artist has always been difficult for me. I almost consider them to be the same thing. After all, there is not one without the other. And even if the two could exist separately in my mind, I would still see the creation as a sort of extension of the creator.

If I do not like the artist as a person, it is likely that I will not like or support the art. And vice versa. There are so many extremely talented artists that I don't support because of their character/behavior/morals or lack thereof. I could fall in love with a painting but would not buy it if the painter was homophobic. I mean, if Solange (my spirit animal), were to make racist comments, I couldn't listen to her music anymore. And she's my spirit animal. However, I feel like work that comes from the mind, heart, and soul of someone hateful is tainted by that hate and weighed down with negative energy. And regardless of who that artist is, or what they create, I'm not capable of overlooking that.

But a lot of people I know are not like this.

For example -- Many of my friends are absolutely sickened by the fact that Chris Brown ever even considered putting his hands on Rihanna. They're disgusted by his rampages and tired of hearing about him being in and out of court. But they still buy his music simply because they see it as unrelated to his character. They do not like Chris Brown but do like Chris Brown's work. For another example, there are a lot of young girls that I've (unfortunately) stumbled upon on Twitter who overlook Justin Bieber's destructive and even racist behavior because he's cute. Because he's cute. (I wonder -- would Jim Crow laws still be in place if he had only been blessed with better genes?)

I can't do that.

Of course I don't expect artists to be perfect. I don't expect anyone to be perfect. And I understand that art is flawed and thrives in darkness and sorrow and even hatred; that it often comes from bad places. But I do not believe that art can come from "bad" people, or bad intentions.

On Blogging

The best thing about having a blog is also the worst thing about having a blog -- people always expect you to have something to say. And so, when something big happens, people flock to you for your opinion on it. I love this and I hate this.

Running my own blog has put my voice out there in a way far more effective than I expected. (The fact that people actually read this is insane to me.) Because I blog mainly about my opinions and thoughts on social issues, societal norms, etc., people look to me for reactions to a lot of what's going on in the world.

I love this, because it's led to so many great conversations with so many great people. I love that people feel like I may have something even remotely relevant to say, or that they feel like I could contribute to an intellectual or stimulating conversation. These talks have both strengthened my belief in something and led to me completely changing my mind. I have learned so much from these discussions, and I am extremely grateful to have been part of them.

But I hate it, because sometimes, I have nothing to say. Of course, I'm always willing to simply listen in on the discussion. And when I do this I learn and gain lots of knowledge and understanding. The problem is that a lot of the time, people want me to chime in. But when you ask me how I feel about yet another innocent black teenager being gunned down by the police, there is nothing I can say. I can't talk to you about the slaughter of children. I cannot talk to you about vicious hate crimes against the LGBT community.

I know I'm opinionated and rarely hesitant to participate in a good conversation, but I just have no words for certain situations. I'll have thoughts, opinions, ideas... just no way to form them in a way that anyone else will understand. Some things just hit too hard for me to articulate my feelings about them.

"Artsy White Girl Shit"

So my cousins from out of town came to visit for the weekend. They came into my room and looked around. Looked at the art and photography I have hanging up; looked at my collection of magazines; looked at the corkboard on the wall by my bookshelf and one asked, "So... what's up with all this... artsy... white girl shit?".

Artsy white girl shit.

The others laughed and agreed. Apparently, I was trying to be white.

It made me feel the exact same way I feel when people tell me that I "talk/act" white. Is speaking proper English a behavior that is reserved for white people? Along with reading, and writing, and now, being into art?

Believing that I have no business being interested in or appreciative of art, simply because I'm black is absurd. My melanin does not contribute to my interests at all. And even if the fact that I'm black did matter, it would only give me more of a reason to love art.

Black people are and  have been major contributors to the art world. From ancient African art, to the Harlem Renaissance, to the Hip Hop movement, to the works of present day. We've had a significant impact on fine art, photography, music, literature, film and dance. To suggest that art, and the appreciation of art, is exclusively for white people is ridiculous. I cannot stress the importance of black people's participation in the arts. We help push the limits and revolutionize art.

Like is it even possible to make a list of artistic, black geniuses? Should I even try? Is there even enough time to finish such an extensive list? I mean there's Maya Angelou, Simmie Knox, Spike Lee, Faith Ringgold. There's Henry Ossawa Tanner, Smokey Robinson, Lauryn Hill, Alice Walker, Jimmy Hendrix, Lorna Simpson, James Van Der Zee, Lee Daniels. There's Horace Pippin, Louis Armstrong, Erykah Badu, Jill Scott. There's Forest Whitaker, Toni Morrison, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, Langston Hughes, Ruby Dee, Sidney Poitier. Jean-Michel Basquiat, Stevie Wonder, Lorraine Hansberry, Ernest Gaines, Gordon Parks, etc., etc., etc. I could go on and on and on.

And literally all other races have been major contributors, too.

Art is not a "white" thing. Art is a human thing.

Light Skin Is The Right Skin ("Colorism")

Black women, in case you weren't aware, your value is determined by your skin tone. Women with light skin at the top of the pyramid, women with dark skin at the bottom.

Why? Obviously because the light-skinned girl has all of the right qualities for the black male (the wavy hair, the light eyes, etc.). She is close enough to white without being controversial. The light-skinned woman has just enough melanin to have a bit of kink in her hair and sway in her step. This keeps anyone from starting the interracial couple conversation.

Members of the African-American community, and only members of the African-American community, praise light-skinned women. And it's not like we're just noting their beauty. Because that'd be okay. But we are also shaming women with darker skin. Their skin is "too" dark; their curls "too" tight. We are treating them as if they are less than. Young black men will discriminate against women that have the exact same skin tone as their mothers and sisters. And it's sad.

Being an African American woman, who is not light-skinned, I can honestly say that my brown skin is a burden. I am never beautiful; just "cute for dark-skinned girl". My hair is never "good" hair; just "pretty good for a dark-skinned girl's". My best will only ever be mediocre in the eyes of other black people, simply because of my skin tone.

I don't know when or why dark skin became something to hate, or to be ashamed of. (Especially when white people tan, but we won't get into that.) And I definitely don't know when or why it was okay to divide ourselves based on skin tone. If I see another "#TeamLightskin/#TeamDarkskin" or "brown skin girls are winning" tweet, I may lose my mind. No other race in the world has created distinction within itself based on skin tone. It's pointless. Especially when we're all the same to everyone else in the world. Other races don't really see a specific tone, all black is the same to them. So why isn't it to us?

Hopefully soon we'll realize that we're all beautiful, light-skinned and dark-skinned. Beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It's based on so much more than the pigmentation of your skin. Your skin tone will only ever determine your beauty or worth if you let it.

Moral Absolutism

There is no such thing as absolute good or absolute evil. The two coexist. There is both light and darkness in all of us. The only exceptions (if you are religious) are God/Jesus and Satan. Everyone else is woven together with both good and bad. That's what makes us human.

Someone is always eager to remind us of the fact that Martin Luther King Jr. cheated on his wife, as if this cancels out the theory that he was a great man. Adultery obviously counteracts every positive thing he did. He can't be both a hero and a sinner.

There's always someone who points out that many of our former presidents had slaves, so they must have all been bad men. Their contributions to the most prosperous nation in the world are all irrelevant, because of a single (but huge) character flaw.

We see a picture of Hitler with a little girl on his lap and cringe. How could Hitler have a gentle moment?

We always want to see things in black and white; right and wrong; good and bad. The truth is, it's never that simple. Even the saints do bad things and think bad thoughts every now and then. Even the monsters can be pleasant and caring at times. That's humanity. It's just the way we are. Our blood is as pure as it is poisonous. The best and worst of us all meet somewhere.

Poem: "Collected"

I wanted to share another poem. Thanks to my friend, the talented poet and musician, Tre'don, for titling it.

You always smelled
Like Doublemint gum
And stale cigarettes.
You said you wore all black
Because it made you feel powerful.
And you never combed your hair
Because you didn't have the time,
For there were memories to be made.
You always spoke too fast
And hugged me too tight,
But I didn't mind.
When we met you told me
That you collected stars.
I thought it was
So silly,
So ridiculous
To believe that you could
Own something
That belonged to the gods,
To the universe,
To the world.
But now that I think about it,
I did consider
You
To be mine.

Jaylin



Click to visit Tre'don's Youtube page.

Writer's Block

Writer's block (aka: Satan)

I want to write. I want to write something profound, and thought-provoking. I'd love to just get lost in my writing, like I have so many times before but I just can't.

And I have so many things I want to write about. There are so many things I have to say. Ideas are always coming to me (even when I wish they'd stop so I can sleep).

But lately, every time I pick up a pen, it's like I don't even know how  to write. It's like I haven't even learned how to form letters yet, let alone sentences.

It's excruciating. It's like having something trapped deep inside you. It's in your mind, your soul, it is a part of you that you cannot express. And you try. You try so hard to put it on paper and get it outside of you. But you fail. And the idea haunts you. It becomes all you think about. You play with it. You twist it, and turn it, like a loose tooth. And just like a loose tooth, you can mess around with it all you want, but if it's not coming out, it's not coming out.

(Writer's block has actually gotten so bad for me, that the only thing I actually can write about is writer's block.)

I'm going to go torture myself some more now, and maybe I'll have a paragraph by the end of the night.

Wish me luck.