Tuesday, December 30, 2014

On The N-Word (Why Black People Can Say "Nigga" and You Can't)

We avoid using offensive terms in an attempt to be decent human beings. Almost everyone agrees on this, until it comes to the "n-word".

Whenever a black person asks a white person not to say "nigga", the response is never just "okay." It's never "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was being offensive." The response is usually one of these three:
"Get over it, everyone uses it."
"I have black friends so I can say it if I want."
Or, the response I'm discussing now: "But if black people use it, they can't be mad when white people use it."

Wrong.

Wrong. Wrong wrong wrong. Wrong wrong. WRONG.

Let's say you have a friend. She's overweight and has an unhealthy diet. She constantly refers to herself as "fat" or a "big girl". Would you ever call her those things? Would you call her "fat" or "big" because that's what she calls herself? No, because it's offensive.

You have another friend. He's gay. He uses terms like "f****t" and "q***r" (don't feel comfortable typing them) when describing himself and other gay people. Would you use those words because he uses those words? No, because they're offensive.

If a group of people who have been oppressed and offended by a derogatory term decide to use it, that's completely fine. They're reclaiming those words for themselves. Often slurs are used by minority groups as a symbol of solidarity, to take some of the sting out of a word, and reverse the effects of something that was created to be hurtful. Minority groups should be able to reappropriate the terms that held them down. Majority groups do not have the right to join in on that. And they're use of the term may not make sense to you, but it makes sense to them. And that's what matters.
As Michael Eagle said in a Washington Post article: "I’m a person who believes in in-group versus out-group privileges and respect. So like if my experience is the ‘nigger’ experience, then I feel like I have free license to do what I want with [the word]. Like, people that don’t have to have their head on a swivel in certain parts of Alabama, I don’t feel like you should be using that word like it’s just cool. Because it’s not just a cool thing."

Now, with all of that being said, I personally don't like the "n-word". I think it is only a reminder of an evil time in American history, and although the use of it ironically reclaims the word, it seems to only encourage white people to continue to use it disrespectfully. I think the word should be totally eradicated. I hope it dies a painful death. But if I do decide to use the word, a white person has no business telling me not to. I agree with Jeff Calimbas, who was featured in the same Washington Post article, when he said "There’s no way that any other race has a right to tell a black person you can’t say – that word. We don’t have any bloody attachments, or history with that word. It’s kind of like telling a woman what she can or can’t do with her body. … So if the word is to be removed from everyday speech. It has to come from the black community, and only the black community."

Until the n-word dies, avoid saying something that offends people for the sake of being decent. Don't argue. I've said in a previous post: "Instead of being defensive, listen to what they're saying and agree to alter your vocabulary in order to make everyone feel comfortable and accepted." So if a woman calls herself a "bitch" and her friends "bitches", but asks a male not to use the word, he should respect that. Regardless of whether or not he agrees with it.

I really don't understand why I even have to blog about this. Why is this concept so hard for people to grasp? You'd think it was rocket science.

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